He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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