Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
