i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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