Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
