Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
