So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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