so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Randomize
