my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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