She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize