im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
