I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
