you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
