oh god the rape fog is back!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
