fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Never underestimate the power of titties
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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