Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Randomize
