tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just threw up on my dentist
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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