Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
