I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
