The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just want nice things and good sex
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
