If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize