he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
