you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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