Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
