can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
