just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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