She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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