im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
