my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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