he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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