I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she told me i tasted like america
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
