she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
