Don't make out with my wife yet
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
