my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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