I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
