i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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