Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
