Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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