If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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