Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
