She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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