I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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