What tipped you off? The sombrero?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
