The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
