Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Oh god it's open bar.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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