Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
