Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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