im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
