Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
They are going to name an STD after you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
