need another drink. this is the easiest way
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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