I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
