sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
