Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
