matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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