dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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