I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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