It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
