Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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