She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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