I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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