It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize