I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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