i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
