His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
