He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
