ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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