I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
should my penis look like a turkey
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
