Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
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