The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
