the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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